Advice on Bullying for YA readers from author Emerald Barnes

Happy to have YA author and friend, Emerald Barnes, on to talk about bullying. Check out her post below.

Bullying. In some way or another, we’ve all been bullied. It’s hurtful, and it causes so much pain. And for most, it’s normal.
 
While in school, I was one of those girls who was liked, but I wasn’t exactly popular. And just because I was liked didn’t stop me from being bullied.
 
This will probably come as a shock to the friends I did have in middle school and high school. For the most part, and in appearance, I was living a normal high school experience. And, unfortunately, I suppose it was normal. Most people have a bullying story, and the sad part is, we don’t even know we’re experiencing it until we are out and living our adult lives. What we call normal can actually be called bullying.
 
How did I know I was being bullied? I was (and I still am, unfortunately) the “fat girl”. People constantly made fun of my weight, stared at me in disgust, and when I sat in desks, I would get looks like “Is this whale gonna fit in that?” Did they say it? No. Did they think it? I can’t say for sure what they thought, but I saw the looks regardless. I just knew they were thinking something like that at least.
 
Then, I started projecting their thoughts onto myself. I saw myself as the fat whale. I saw myself as the girl who was liked but still not good enough.
 
And you know what’s sad? Some teachers were just as bad. I was discriminated against because of my weight. It kept me from doing things I was good at, but all they could see was my weight. They didn’t see past that to see me, the girl who was good at her hobbies and could do whatever needed to be done. My weight didn’t stop me. I didn’t let it. I never let my weight hold me back, but others did. They held me back because they couldn’t see me.
 
So, I became invisible. Or so I tried. People had a way of making me feel awful about myself. Guys teased me; girls pitied me. And I wanted to disappear.
 
I buried myself in books and television shows. Daydreamed of a life where I wasn’t the “fat girl”, of a high school experience where I didn’t hate myself and was loved by all.
 
When I graduated, I thought things would get better. They didn’t. I was treated about the same in college as I was high school, but it was easier for me to disassociate. I’d been through it before. I’d just go to school, get my education, and become a famous author and show them! Ha! No, I never thought that last part, but I did all I could to just fit in with what few friends I did have and avoid everyone else.
 
Don’t get me wrong. It was easier in college, but the effects of what I’d gone through, of the pure hate I had for myself, followed me. And there were instances in college where I was bullied, but they were fewer in between. I still got those looks though. (Still do if I’m honest.)
 
But again, everything I’d gone through had beaten me to down to a shell of myself. I hated the girl staring back at me. I hated me. How do you come back from that?
 
I even dated guys who didn’t find me worthy and treated me awful because I didn’t value myself enough or know my own worth because of my experiences.
 
Luckily, I was able to bounce back and start my healing in my twenties. It took years of trying to realize my worth, of working through my old, pent-up feelings, and of realizing that God loves me the way I am. I’m going to admit, even in my mid-thirties, it’s still difficult at times.
 
The problem is, we’re conditioned to believe that bullying is normal when it’s not. Like it’s normal for kids to mess around and make fun of other kids. But it’s not. “Kids will be kids,” is probably the dumbest phrase I’ve ever heard. Kids should learn to respect each other. But they don’t. Instead, they find the others’ weaknesses and berate them and tear them down.
 
And now, we have so much access to each other’s lives through social media that cyber bullying is considered normal. It’s normal to tell someone how ugly they are, how fat they are. “Keyboard warriors” have total anonymity, so it’s easy. But it shouldn’t be easy to bully someone. It shouldn’t be normal.
 
Normal is loving each other. Normal is building each other up. Where is that? Why can’t that be the news we hear each day?
 
My heart goes out to everyone who has ever been made to feel less than enough. It literally breaks my heart to think of people out there who would rather die than face the horrible things people have decided to say about them. No one should ever be made to feel small and less than worthy in their own skins. You should always feel loved and welcome and happy.
 
In my process of learning how to love myself, I wrote a book called Entertaining Angels. It’s a book that showcases how we are loved and beautiful as we are. It was my way of healing from the trauma I experienced from being made fun of my whole life, and it’s been helpful for those who felt that way but never had a chance to heal from it.  
 
However you heal, whether it be from therapy, journaling, or simply prayer, I hope and pray that you never have to feel unworthy, unloved, and unhappy again. Remember, you deserve so much better! And bullying, even “gentle bullying”, is not normal and it should never be normal!
 
If you ever feel like you can’t go on because of being bullied, reach out to the Suicide Help Line. Call 988. They’re available to speak 24/7. And if you just need someone to talk to, I’m here for you as well. You can email me or find me on any of my social media sites.
 
  
Links:
http://www.emeraldbarnes.com
http://www.instagram.com/emeraldbarnes
http://www.facebookcom/emeraldbarnes
emerald_barnes@yahoo.com
https://www.amazon.com/stores/Emerald-Barnes/author/B004PL38QS
 
 
Bio:
Emerald Barnes resides in a small town in Mississippi and has the accent to prove it. An editor, family girl, and indie author of more than eight books, Emerald loves God and thanks Him continuously for His love and favor. ​She’s also addicted to tv and binge-watching shows, and she has a thing for superheroes.
 
 Find her books here (Affiliate links): 

Entertaining Angels: amzn.to/3BXOTjK
 
 Other books on Amazon: amzn.to/45u61ei